#14: A mum-of-two’s healing, empowering & informed caesarean birth…
Birth experiences can teach us so much; as this incredible birth story shows, the realisations and learnings from her first birth provided the fuel (and the fire) needed to create her healing second caesarean, (even though it didn’t go to plan!).
Trigger warnings: please note that this birth story discusses a previous traumatic birth experience and slow labour.
Before we get to birth, let’s start at the beginning. How was your pregnancy?
I had a very healthy pregnancy with baby number 2 but, after a very healthy pregnancy with baby number 1 that culminated in a very traumatic induction and emergency caesarean section, needless to say I was quite scared about giving birth to my second child!
I have long pregnancies, my first (a son) was born at 42 weeks exactly and would have gone longer had I not been induced, and my second (a daughter) was born at 41+5.
Learning point: the gestation of every pregnancy is different. Babies grow at different rates and bodies grow them at different rates too. On top of that, our measure of when a pregnancy starts (first day of the last period) tells us very little about when a baby was actually conceived. This is why so few babies arrive on their due date!
And, before the event, how did you feel about giving birth?
I was petrified - I hadn’t had a birth plan with my first and felt like I was railroaded into a lot of decisions that weren’t really decisions, so second time round I was determined to do things my way.
I planned a home water birth, with the midwife led unit as back up, and did a LOT of research around birth statistics, rights in labour, pain management techniques… I had a doula and changed midwife as I didn’t like the first one! It got to the point where I went to a consultant meeting and spent the entire time telling him facts and stats about VBAC!
Then the big day arrives. How did it feel when you realised your baby was on their way earthside?
I had been having on/off contractions for 4 days, after I’d consented to a sweep, and eventually started timing them on an app which immediately told me to go to hospital haha!
By this point in my birth plan, I’d decided I was going to head to the midwife-led unit rather than try for a home birth - I just felt it was the best thing to do at that point! I remember leaning against my mantelpiece thinking “oh heck, I need to refuel the fire” mid-contraction, before my sister and mum arrived to watch my son and my husband flapped around the place panicking and asking if I wanted a magazine (!).
So, how was your birth experience?
We got into the car and phoned hospital to tell them we were en-route, it took an absolute blooming age to find parking and I had to walk a good ten mins from the car park to the maternity hospital (stopping every two mins for a contraction!) in the absolute biting cold…
I got up onto the MLU and the midwives were all lovely; I consented to an internal examination to be told… I was only 2cm dilated. After 4 days!!! This was similar to what had happened with my son’s birth, and he ended up getting distressed and ended up in c-section… so like any overdue pregnant woman who has been contracting for 4 days, I burst into floods of tears! The midwife was LOVELY and said that because of my previous birth and the fact I was 41+5 she was going to ask the consultant to come chat to me and make a plan, so I waddled over to my husband who sat politely offering me water until the consultant (and about 6 other people) came into the room and said to me I had a choice - I could wait around on Labour ward for a bit and see if I progressed, go home and see if I progressed, or head for a planned caesarean that night, as it was super quiet and they had capacity to “whip her out before midnight”. This both amused and terrified me, so I chose option 1 and asked if I hadn’t progressed after a couple of hours could I please have a caesarean?
I knew what I was getting with a c section at that point, and I was already very tired but didn’t want to “throw in the towel” so to speak, all was agreed and I toddled off to a room on labour ward with a lovely midwife named Sally, who caused me to do a double take as she looked very much like my aunt called Sally, who is a midwife!
About 45 mins passed and she came in and I asked if I could just have a c-section instead (cue a panicked look from my husband as I forgot to actually discuss it with him) and she said that yes, that was absolutely fine but they’d just taken an emergency to theatre so to hang tight because I would be next in line providing no more emergencies!
Baby was still super happy and I started to relax a bit, Sally went through everything and asked if I had any requests for the surgery… I asked if I could watch and she said sadly no but told me if I looked in a specific spot in the lights I could see it reflected! Time ticked on and it was about 2am when I went down to theatre, I panicked the lovely anaesthetist when I said to her “oooh I can hear ripping!” To which she replied “ah… yes they’re just making space for baby” and I had to tell her that I knew what was happening and it was absolutely fine, I was just interested in it all!
I watched as much as I could in the reflection (not for everyone but I enjoyed it!) and my daughter was born around 2.30am! My husband actually filmed her first cry too, which still makes me cry to watch it. They took her over to get weighed, and the consultant earlier had said they were expecting her to weigh a little less than my son had done (9lbs 15oz)… she was 10lbs 5oz! She got all wrapped up and my husband held her first as the various drugs I was pumped with were making me shake too much* to safely hold her, but he held her close to me so I could kiss her and look at her.
Glossary: ‘the shakes’ are a normal side effect of some of the drugs (eg: morphine) used during caesarean sections but it can also caused or exacerbated by adrenaline and the colder temperature of the theatre.
Do you remember what you said to your baby when you first met them?
“Oooh you look just like your brother but with different hair!” My son is a redhead, and my daughter has dark hair!
Looking back, what was the best part of your birth experience?
It was a very healing experience, after the fear and trauma of my first c-section I felt very relaxed and in control with my daughter’s birth. It may not have been the birth that I planned but it was the birth I chose; it was wonderful, she came into the world safely and I am so grateful to every single member of staff who helped me and my family.
There’s no longer that terror and feeling of failure that was there beforehand from the first birth, and it just goes to show how important informed consent* and a birth plan is.
Think about it: informed consent is not the same as consent - it requires that you know the pros and cons of your choice, both in terms of the short and long term, and presented without bias. It is also a legal requirement for this to be obtained before any procedures happen. This is because in gaining informed consent, your medical team give you all the power: you’re given all of the information and tools you need to make a decision, removing any surprises later on and helping you to feel in control of this situation.
And on the flip side, if you could, what would you have changed about the way your baby entered the world?
The only thing I’d change would be to sneak some of the flapjacks from labour ward back with me - I got a bit addicted lol!
If you could give parents-to-be one piece of advice about preparing for the birth of their baby, what would it be?
Research as much as you can, discover the pros and cons of absolutely every choice you can make, and remember that no matter which way the birth goes it is YOUR birth and nobody can take that away from you.
