This is your birth. You matter most.
In the maze of excitement, information & expectation, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself.
I’m bring the focus back to you.
Pregnancy & parenthood challenge everything you know.
What I am about to say comes from lived experience as a mother (who’s done it twice) and a doula (who’s supported hundreds of journeys).
Modern pregnancy & postpartum journeys have an issue with trust, control & self-belief.
And it started with the Spice Girls ideology.
Our generation of women have been raised to see doing things ‘right’ as being independent. The harder we fight, the more in control we are, the better.
And more than anything, we can rely on ourselves to get the job done properly.
At school.
At work.
At home.
Until we become pregnant.
The control and confidence we have spent decades developing, quite rapidly dissolves. Suddenly, we’re navigating something we’ve never done before, with no clear or easy-to-follow instructions, plenty of conflicting advice and very little certainty about how to ‘get it right’.
The modern maternity system demands a lot.
There’s so much to know, so many places to get it from.
… all of it in an alien language.
So much to choose from.
… with no single option being right for everyone.
And all of it given in a sea of contradictory advice and guidance.
So, even when you’re trying your absolute best to learn it all and take back control, it’s virtually impossible to know what the right thing to do really is.
Human brains don’t cope well with this confusion.
Your adrenaline rises and your nervous system begins to protect you.
You might fight (aka: doubt, question and fact check every single thing)
Or perhaps flee (aka: bury your head in the sand)
Or, maybe freeze (aka: put off making any decision until it’s too late).
Trust me, these aren’t deliberate, rational strategies.
They’re the reactions of an overwhelmed human.
And that’s where I come in.
It’s easy to see yourself as a lesser capable human when you’re surrounded by a sea of expert information and opinions.
After all, they know what they’re talking about.
Your instincts aren’t based on lived experience.
So of course, do what the experts say and you’ll be fine.
True confidence & self-belief are hard to come by.
That’s said with zero-judgement, because that’s what I did first time around.
From birth prep to timing contractions, I did everything I was told, followed the textbook guidance and, even when I didn’t understand it or it felt off, I did EVERYTHING ‘right’.
And then it went wrong.
So wrong that it was my husband told me we had to do something differently for our next baby. He couldn’t watch me go through that again.
So at 37 weeks into my second pregnancy we got a doula.
In the space of 10 days she changed my life. My WHOLE life.
Just by asking questions.
Not the kind that required a yes/no answer, but the kind that challenged me to think, dig deep and be brave enough to answer honestly.
What I wanted. What I needed. What I didn’t.
How I felt.
What I was scared of.
Where my instincts were taking me.
Then she taught me how to use all of this to make decisions that worked for me.
Hhow to advocate for myself.
How to protect my emotional bubble.
How to give myself the tools I needed to thrive at a time when I couldn’t see that as a even a vague possibility.
And what a difference it made to birth & postpartum.
Learning to put myself first was undeniably uncomfortable.
Speaking so openly and honestly at that time was not in my DNA. I could feel my soul twisting, my body cringing as I forced out things I’d never said aloud.
And yet, her questions centered me.
They got me thinking about my body, my brain, my instincts.
In answering her, I told the world what I needed and how to support me.
And then in labour, I got that support.
In turn, I felt safer, more loved and stronger than I ever had before, a feeling that stayed with me through a powerfully smooth & more positive birth and postpartum.
Now, I’ve spent many years reflecting on this.
Could it have been a coincidence? No. I know that without her support, my birth and postpartum would have been a very different story.
Before her, I was all over the place. Disillusioned, defeated and overwhelmed.
She brought my focus back to me.
She taught me to respect my body and my intuition, and to trust my own judgement.
That was a lot to accomplish in two weeks, but she did it.
And I’ll be forever grateful. Not just for myself, but for my children who have grown up with a mother who was stronger, more grounded and less fearful as a result.
And that, is why I am here.
I’ve felt the difference that comes from putting myself first.
Now I see how this shift transforms birth & postpartum for others.
I know how hard it is to do.
But it’s worth doing.
So I help you to put yourself first.
Here’s how I help:
The pregnancy coffee date that helps Cornwall’s mums-to-be to find each other.
1:1 antenatal & birth prep classes that get you both really ready for what lies ahead.
60 minutes of 1:1 time to gives you the time & support to move forward.
1:1 birth & postpartum support to keep you steady & strong as you meet your baby.
The safe & supported space to explore and come to terms with your birth.
The postpartum mum & baby group in Cornwall that makes maternity leave better.