A day in the life of a doula waiting for labour to start…

Every day as a doula is different: in any given week, I can be helping someone write their birth plan in a Power Hour, delivering antenatal classes, scheduling birth preparation courses, baking & creating the space for ‘The Nest’ or supporting a new family in their home as their postnatal doula. Genuinely, I love all of it…

But being on-call for a family as their birth doula is my favourite place of all: when we’re waiting for a baby to land, life takes on it’s own new rhythm and it looks a bit like this…

Proper downtime doesn’t exist during on-call life…

When a family invites me to be their birth doula, they know that they’ll have open access to me during their on-call period.

That’s me, on the end of the phone or in their home, 24/7 for weeks on end, and for very good reason…

Doulas like me make birth (and pregnancy, and postpartum) better because of three simple things:

• a deep & trusting relationship based on knowledge of you as an individual

• true continuity of care, meaning you know that if you need me, I will move hell & high water to be there

• knowledge, skills & connections that go beyond a quick Google search

While you may not need this on a daily or even weekly basis in the first and second trimester, once you’re counting down the single days rather than weeks to your due date, this access makes all the difference. I take great pleasure in being able to give 100% focus and energy to birth doula families in the run up to their baby’s birth; it’s the greatest priviledge and so exciting.

That’s why I am not the type of doula that regularly takes 2 or 3 clients a month.

Each year, I take between four and six clients, spread out across the months (as much as I can) to ensure that there is as little competition for my time as possible, and gives me the space to sink into the needs of each family so that I can give them what they really need.

While the way that focus and energy looks or is spent will differ for each family, on-call life always has a certain pace and rhythm. As we await those first signs of labour, my normal working life fades into the background and the family I am supporting comes forward as the real priority… even when birth isn’t anywhere near.

But what does that look like? Well… something like this…

A day in the life of a on-call birth doula in Cornwall…

Before we begin, I need to let you know that while the day below is an honest representation of my on-call experiences, it does not belong to one single client’s journey.

To protect the privacy and anonymity of the families I support, I have tweaked and shifted some details.

So, no need to guess who’s birth story this is part of!

The doula day begins…

5.30 am: the first check

Waking up to my alarm, I check my phone for messages or missed calls (as I have done every two hours since I went to bed - the worry of missing a call is real but has never happened yet). I listen to the sound of my family sleeping and put my gym kit on. 

6am: grounding & destressing

I arrive at the gym with my neighbour (we car share, though I am doing all the driving for the next four weeks in case I get called to birth) for an hour of punishing functional fitness (think CrossFit without the brand licensing!). While this is basically a form of torture before the sun comes up, the physical intensity of it is brilliant at keeping me grounded and thinking amid the tension of waiting. It also really helps me to process the adrenaline that’s coursing through my veins!

My phone is connected to my watch so I get all my notifications but it still stays on loud & is at the front of the gym: my coach knows I am on call and is primed to pull me out of the sweat-fest if it goes off and I haven’t noticed.

7.15am: return to mum-mode

After putting the world to rights with my neighbour on our post-workout drive home, I arrive back to sleepy children in PJs and a husband in the shower. I pop my phone in the hallway (the echoiest room in the house where I hear everything) and do breakfast, packed lunches and some basic mothering before hitting the shower and getting ready for the day. 

8.15am: the first check-in

Before heading out on the school run, I ping my client a little good morning check-in message on WhatsApp to see how she’s doing. These are always far more original than ‘are you in labour yet?’ (I know she’d tell me if she was), and I ask questions that give me a temperature gauge for how she’s feeling or where her mind is at. Something like, ‘did you see that sunrise?!’ or ‘did Tesco get those dates you wanted back in stock?’- help keep things light and breezy. 

Today I ask about whether the walk she went on yesterday helped to clear her foggy mind, which leads into a lovely chat about the footpaths and bridleways near where we live & how she’s looking forward to going down to the beach for a change of scene later. This tells me all I need to know about how her mind & her body are feeling right now.

9.30am: a slowed-down-doula-day

When I’m on call, I keep my schedule as light as possible in terms of in-person client work so I am readily available. This means that I usually do a lot of admin and project development, as well as preparation for upcoming antenatal classes and birth preparation courses when I am waiting for a pregnant doula client to go into labour and call me to their birth.

So, with my kidlets dropped off at school and my dog walked, I settle into home working life at my desk with a cup of tea in hand. Today is all about updating Birth Space Cornwall schedules & memberships, scheduling sessions of ‘The Nest’ for next month and (shudders) doing my accounts.

10.30am: a knowledge nugget

My phone is on and on the windowsill beside me when I am working. Some days are quiet - and I respect that space by not interrupting it - but today, she sends me quite a few questions relating to the birth plan she sent me a few weeks ago and how to navigate her worries around epidurals. We discussed all the things we’d covered in our private antenatal sessions, as well as the preferences and worries she has previously told me about. We throw messages back and forth for a few minutes so I can see her angle & needs, and then I send her links to some studies and relevant (and reliable) information that can help her to decide what she’d like to do. 

11am: a panicked moment

My husband calls me in a blind panic - he’s had a missed call from an unknown number and he’s worried it’s my client who hasn’t been able to reach me/us.

My husband is my primary back up: he’s the one who steps in for childcare if I get called away and my doula clients have his number so that if they can’t reach me, they can reach him and he’ll know where I am and what I am doing. 

Turns out it’s nothing to worry about: it was a lost DPD delivery driver trying to find our house, not the signal that a baby is on the way. I tell him to go and have a cup of tea.

Self-care & productivity

Midday: food is everything

I stop for lunch! Normally, if I am working at home, I’d probably snack through the day and eat at my desk because I am a bit of a workaholic like that, but when I am on-call I take extra care of myself wherever I can. That means eating a proper lunch and having some rest. 

I snaffle a 3 egg omelette, salad, tea (of course) and some fruit and yoghurt - whilst actually taking a break from work. Today, that means sitting with my dog watching the birds fight over peanuts but others it means watching Selling London on Netflix. On one level this is a bit frustrating as running your own business creates a lot of admin, BUT I could be called out at any point and need to be rested and ready to go. What sort of help would I be if I rocked up to birth hungry and knackered? 

1pm: looking ahead

Tomorrow is Nest day and so I start prepping for that, which means time in my kitchen. I’ve seen the guest list for tomorrow, know the dietary requirements and have already chosen the recipes so this is all about the doing.

I pop a podcast on - today’s one is all about breech deliveries as my client’s baby is presenting this way. I use podcasts as a back-up to all of my research and professional learning, and a way of deepening my understanding in a way that really sticks in my mind. Whilst that's on, I start baking the brownies and flapjacks for the mums who are booked into the Little Baby Nest and the Grown-Up Nest tomorrow. 

2pm: ticking the boxes in my brain

While they’re baking, I double check my kit bag (which is by the front door) to make sure I put my phone charger back in there this morning. I did and so tick that box off in my head. While I am there, I double check that my aromatherapy oils haven’t leaked as my rebozo smells really strongly of frankincense! They haven’t either, so I assume I’m probably going a bit mad. 

2.30pm: giving the heads-ups

I send messages out to tomorrow’s Nesters, welcoming new families and reminding established ones that I am on-call and preparing for a call into doula mode: I try to tell all my Nest families booked into sessions like tomorrow’s that I am on-call so that they know that I am waiting on a baby and might be called to birth. They also know that if they miss a session or any time because of it, that they’ll get the session made up at a future date, and so everyone is usually super chill with it. 

The balance between my family & theirs…

3.15pm: the curious school-run

I head back to school to collect my little humans, and spend a few minutes chatting to other mums there. They all know what I do and get really excited when I am on-call; they’re always offering to collect the girls if I need to rush off and are always keen to know how labours went after the event. It’s not nosiness, it’s part of the motherhood culture: everyone here has given birth & remember it well (even though it’s over 6 years ago for all of us now!). Their interest is solidarity defined and it warms my little heart - but of course, confidentiality is key and the cards are always kept close to my chest.

4pm: cartoons, snacks and one ear on

Back at home, I do my best to stay in mum-mode. My girls know I could disappear at any point, day or night, so are very keen to be with and/or on me. Cora, my littlest, wants to cuddle while watching Gladiators while Ada, my oldest, is drawing pictures and asking what we’re having for dinner on repeat, and whether she gets a mummy bed-time tonight. They like my job, and always ask about the babies and the births (they know more about how babies are born than most adults!), but the thought of not knowing where mummy is takes it’s toll sometimes. That’s why I try to be as present for them as I can be when I am home.

My phone remains on and in the hallway, and Ada lets me know when it lights up or pings a strange sound (no baby, just an Amazon notification). 

7pm: a quiet alert

Just as my girls are getting into bed for a story, a WhatsApp message comes through from my client.

She’s feeling stuff - she doesn’t know what - but she thought she’d let me know. Leaving them under the covers, I nip into my room to answer the message, asking some chilled questions about what the feelings are and how she feels about them. The response comes quickly - that they’re period pains which aren’t bad but which are new, and that she’s going to go and have a bath and some dinner, and that she’ll keep me posted.

When I return to my girls, they ask if I am leaving and I assure them that I am not going anywhere right now, but that I might go somewhere in the night: we get into bed, have a story and a big cuddle while I breathe them in.

8.30pm: laying the groundwork

Normally, I work until 9.30/10pm when the kids are in bed, but not if I am on call; I’ll do what’s needed to secure the next 24/48 hours without me but then I will rest so that I am fully charged if I need to go. Tonight, I do my emails, follow up what needs to be done and then settle onto  my sofa with my dog and a snack.

I am VERY into Ghosts US right now (its one of the few shows that makes me properly lol) and so my husband and I binge a few of those. Normally I’d be in PJs now but I am in ‘waiting’ mode and don’t feel relaxed enough to switch off into them yet, even though my instincts are telling me that this probably isn’t it.   

10pm: the stand-down

My client messages to say that she’s had a bath, been to the toilet and had a big drink of water and those feelings have died away. She’s feeling good and sleepy so is off to bed. I reply with a confidence-affirming message congratulating her on listening to her body and being at one with her instincts, before wishing her a good sleep.

My shoulders relax and my husband and I also decide to head to bed. 

Before bed, I make sure my kit bag is by the door and my ‘go’ clothes are laid out ready to get into in the dark (don’t want to wake anyone!) should the call come in. 

10.30: lights out and sleepy time (until I wake in two hours to check my phone…)

Being a birth doula is all about rolling with the punches: being able to sit and watch and wait, reacting at speed to what comes your way and supporting a family through labour and birth in the way that works best for them. In the birth space, this takes a very expected practical form, but in the days and weeks before labour begins, while that support is more distanced and perhaps virtual, it is constant and ever present. 

For me, this is key to how I doula. The relationships I build with my clients are based on trust - that I will be there when they need me, with the information they are looking for, and the zero-judgement space to decide for themselves. 

And it makes the difference. Take a look at the testimonials & see for yourself. 

Sound like something you’d like to explore for your birth and baby journey? Get in touch & we’ll start the conversation that could be the gamechanger you’re looking for.