#17: Holly (and baby Jack’s) calm, powerful and joyful birth centre birth…
Being frightened or scared of birth is a really normal feeling, but as Holly’s inspiring story shows, with the right preparation and support on the day, your experience can be joyful.
Trigger warnings: please note that this birth story discusses fear about birth and perineal tearing
Before the event, how did you feel about giving birth?
I was very frightened of giving birth. A midwife friend recommended I look into hypnobirthing* and that massively helped with my anxiety during pregnancy and through labour.
Glossary: Hypnobirthing is an approach to birth preparation that focuses on the mind-body connection. Based thoroughly in science and psychology, this approach uses breathwork, visualisations and other forms of relaxation and mindfulness to support people to find a calm and confident mindset during their labour and delivery.
Then the big day arrives. How did it feel when you realised your baby was on their way earthside?
Scared! The beginning of labour frightened me as I didn’t know what to expect. The contractions were very intense* and I didn’t know how much stronger they might get.
Think about it… every body experiences labour differently. What will be mild and manageable to one, will be intolerable to another: there is no shame or judgement associated to that, it’s just the way our brains and nervous systems are wired. If you have never laboured before, it’s hard to know what to expect but you can predict your reaction (and come up with useful coping strategies) based on how you react to pain normally.
So, how was your birth experience?
I was almost two weeks past my due date when I went into labour, the contractions came out of no where and seemed to come thick and fast, one on top of another. I had been practicing hypnobirthing techniques to help with my anxiety about birth but I panicked as soon as the contractions started and everything went out the window.
Within an hour I was at the MLU and was already at 4cm. I was asking for an epidural but my mum gently reminded me that I had wanted to try the birthing pool and gas and air. I reluctantly agreed to try to follow my birth plan first and if it didn’t help then I would go and get an epidural.
As soon as I climbed into the pool I relaxed, my contractions became more even, regular and manageable. I stopped panicking and was totally focused inwards. I didn’t ask for an epidural again or really talk at all. My body seemed to know what it was doing and when I started pushing it happened automatically, I didn’t even realise I was pushing at first*!
My little boy was born within 6 hours start to finish (which was weirdly the exact length of time I had visualised while practicing the hypnobirthing techniques).
He was born at 8lb 13oz and I was able to have the birth that I had hoped for. I’m now pregnant with my second and hoping for a home birth, with the use of a birthing pool, gas and air and following the hypnobirthing techniques as that combination worked so well for me the first time.
Learning Point: during second stage labour, uterine contractions work in a downward motion as they work to move baby through the cervix and birth canal, into the world. These contractions cannot be avoided or controlled, and they are generally involuntary (though you can add extra oompf by pushing along with them).
Do you remember what you said to your baby when you first met them?
“I made a boy!’ (We didn’t find out the baby’s gender)
Looking back, what was the best part of your birth experience?
He and I made it safe and sound through delivery. The midwife-led unit was calm and quiet and I was allowed to labour as I found most natural and comfortable. Plus at 6 hours it was a relatively short labour for a first baby.
And on the flip side, if you could, what would you have changed about the way your baby entered the world?
Next time (already thinking about the next one - must mean it was all OK!) I would consider a home birth to avoid all the to-ing and fro-ing to hospital which was mentally and physically challenging and definitely slowed things down.
If we do it at the hospital again (which I may do due to our experience just after the birth), I would try to be braver to stay at home longer but it is tricky when the Freya App tells you to go and you feel it might be imminent.
I would also try to do more visualisations as there were points in the early stages where I felt I wasn't coping. My partner brought me back to green but I think visualisations could have helped too.
Finally, next time I would try to be more controlled with the pushing. I feel that I went a bit crazy with the final pushes as I just wanted it all to be over which maybe made my tear worse. I wonder if I had slowed down a bit and allowed the head to stretch me more slowly and gently perhaps I wouldn't have torn as much.
I said I didn't want coaching at this stage but perhaps being told to pant and wait could have helped. That said, although the stitches were a bit horrible and I was a bit sore, I was up and out walking after a few days and felt totally fine after 2 weeks so it does seem to heal well.
If you could give parents-to-be one piece of advice about preparing for the birth of their baby, what would it be?
Look into hypnobirthing!
