#20: Amy’s empowering, happy and calm hospital waterbirth story…
First time labours are usually quite long: as Amy’s incredible birth story shows being confident enough to read your body, understand the signs and have a birth partner to support you can make all the difference.
Trigger warnings: please note that this birth story discusses being sent home from hospital, a baby memorial garden, the emergency cord being pulled, baby receiving some medical support and tearing.
Before we get to birth, let’s start at the beginning. How was your pregnancy?
I was really lucky to have the most straightforward pregnancy. In early pregnancy, I experienced mild nausea but no vomiting. Later on, as my bump grew, I had some aches and pains in bed, mild heartburn and night cramps in my calf. The weirdest symptom was my partner absolutely stinking of strong mushrooms even when he didn't eat any... very odd!
I had some early anxiety about the health of the baby (no reason other than reading too many negative stories) but managed to relax as much as possible with some early private scans. Other than that, everything was pretty textbook and every midwife appointment was straightforward with all of mine and baby's observations being on track each time. I even considered a home birth but as a first time mum it didn't feel quite right (I wasn't sure about the mess and disruption to our house or possible noise for our neighbour and I worried about having medical care if needed).
I had a couple of incidents of reduced movements so went in for monitoring - all fine, including one episode when baby could be heard hiccuping and wriggling on the monitor but I couldn't feel a thing ☺️ It’s hard not to press the button for movement when you're hearing little hiccups 💗
Late in pregnancy I found out that our baby was back-to-back which scared me a bit about labour being more painful (but did give us really fun and powerful movements with constant jabbing and wriggling of knees and feet around my belly button) - not sure whether the baby turned during labour but I didn't have the excruciating pain others describe from a back to back baby.
During pregnancy, I enjoyed yoga and a meditative dance class (on Zoom due to Covid) and lots of walks. I think staying active really helped my mental and physical health, especially as so much of my pregnancy was during lockdown and working from home. Lockdown was a double edged sword... Great to stay safe and have a relaxed pace of life but sad to lose that last precious year of just the two of us going for meals and holidays and for nobody to really share pregnancy with us.
Glossary: back-to-back describes baby’s position in the womb when their spine is against your spine. This is not the most comfortable position, can create additional back pain and a longer labour. Ideally, baby’s spine will be against your tummy, facing out to the world as this is associated with smoother labours, more tolerable contractions and a quicker delivery. There are lots of stretches and exercises you can do to encourage this position.
And, before the event, how did you feel about giving birth?
I felt really well prepared and actually excited for birth. We'd done a hypnobirthing course online, an antenatal class and I'd read lots of positive birth stories. I wrote detailed birth preferences but was open-minded to what might happen on the day. My husband had also done lots of preparation with me so he was well prepared for being my birth partner. I had positive affirmation cards, fairy lights, a variety of playlists and felt ready for it.
Then the big day arrives. How did it feel when you realised your baby was on their way earthside?
I was really excited to meet our baby, happy he was going to arrive on his due date and ready to put all the birth preparations into action!
So, how was your birth experience?
Pre-labour
Through my final week of pregnancy, I was pretty keen to get things going - I wanted to avoid interventions/discussions about the due date and I was keen to meet our wriggly baby. To encourage baby to come, I did prenatal yoga with a local class on Zoom (had been doing this weekly since 15 weeks) and on YouTube, bounced on my ball a lot watching TV and sat only on the edge of the sofa, did some silly dancing to my favourite tunes and met friends daily for long walks. I spent time listening to hypnobirthing tracks with my aromatherapy diffuser and positive affirmation cards to get the oxytocin flowing. We also finished getting essentials ready like our bags, the baby's crib and tidying the house. I also made several playlists for labour and birth - dancey music, calming world music, singalong favourites - I figured my mood might change at various points of labour. I think the physical and mental preparation helped my body to be ready.
On the day before I went into labour (39&3 by my dates 40 weeks by their dates), I met a friend in a park, had a walk and a sit on a bench to chat. I then headed home and was desperate for the loo so had a 20 minute fast dash home trying not to wet myself 😬 I think this speed walking probably jiggled baby into place. Later that day I had a midwife appointment and from feeling my tummy she said baby was engaged but didn't seem to think it was imminent. They wanted to do a sweep but I declined. There was talk of booking induction and I said I didn't want to discuss it and we would need to debate my dates if we were to consider induction. She said we'd look at that at the next appointment (which never happened, hurrah!).
Early labour
Saturday 20.6.21 (39&4) from around 6:15am I started getting irregular surges*. We felt excited but they were very manageable and quite random and far apart so I didn't think it was happening straight away and thought they might just be Braxton Hicks. They faded away by lunchtime so we decided to go out for lunch at our favourite pizzeria and have a nice walk in the park as a couple. I also got some good photos of my bump as I thought it might be my last chance.
After a lovely day together, we were relaxing that evening and surges started again at 9:30pm. They were stronger this time but still manageable. I was especially surprised that the pain literally only lasted during the surge but there was no pain in the gaps. This felt good and I felt I could cope - it really was like the waves described and different from period pain which I usually find stays as a long-term pain, there was time to relax a bit in-between the surges.
The next bit of time is a blur but I spent time on all fours/on my ball in the living room listening to my playlist and with the affirmations and aromatherapy. I really needed to wee regularly so at some point ended up relocating to the landing outside the bathroom so I could keep nipping to the toilet without going up and down stairs. I tried having a bath but it felt too small for me to get comfortable so I went in the shower and got a little rhythm of having the water on my bump during a surge then the water on my back in between. This felt really good and I was listening to my dancey playlist so was happy labouring with lots of positive energy and the comfort of warm water. My partner came in whilst I was singing along to Salt n Pepa "Push It" and asked if calmer music would be better but I was enjoying the dance 😆.
At around 2:30am on the Sunday (39&5), the Freya app said I was in established labour. I was quite scared of giving birth at home unplanned which happened to 2 of my friends whose babies came very quickly. I could feel a lot of pressure and surges were regular and strong so we phoned triage who said to come in. It was pouring with rain and the car journey (15 mins) was pretty grim as we were tired and my surges continued to be painful.
I didn't really want to be checked for how dilated I was but it didn't seem to be optional (wish I had been more confident to say no)* so I got checked and was told I wasn't even 1cm dilated. This was disappointing to me after 5/6 hours of regular surges, even though the midwife was lovely and said every surge was preparing my cervix. We got told to go home to rest. I can't remember the next bit of time but Freya shows a gap until 5:45am so I guess I rested.
Surges continued to be powerful and close together on Sunday morning and I thought we'd have a Father's Day baby. I decided to try the TENS machine at this point and found it helpful to take the edge off surges when they came, along with up breathing, music, bouncing on my ball, being on all fours etc. At around 8:15am Freya said I was in established labour again and I still had the fear of delivering at home so I phoned triage who said we could go in. Another painful car journey, this time in sunshine.
We had a longish wait in triage and when they examined me I think I was still only 1 or 2cm which was really disappointing. I didn't like the midwife at this point as she started talking about epidurals, pethadine, remifentanil etc completely out of the blue. She hadn't read my birth plan or asked my preferences. Teamed with the horrible bright medical triage room, this was a low point and I started to worry about not getting the birth I wanted - it felt really hard to advocate for myself and I had a worry that I wasn't coping. They said I needed to go home again and only come back when "screaming with pain" which I found quite upsetting as I didn't ever want to get to a screaming point, hoping to stay calm throughout. I said I didn't want to go home but they said they couldn't admit me and suggested we could walk in the hospital grounds or go in the baby memory garden next to the MLU - a bit insensitive really for a labouring and anxious FTM. They gave me an energy drink to up my energy and glucose levels. We decided to stay in the hospital garden, coping with the TENS machine and breathing. My partner was amazing, encouraging me and coaching me with the breathing. I think without his lovely coaching and commitment to our birth plan, I could have ended up in a panicked place.
After a couple of hours, we'd had enough of the garden and my contractions had continued to be regular and strong. We went inside to ask to be checked again. A lovely young midwife checked on me and said I was still only 2cm and they wouldn't let me stay. I begged to stay but they said going home would be best as I could get some rest and also be more active. I was really upset at this, I didn't want to go home again and thought I could be active in a birthing room using a ball etc, but my partner convinced me it would be best for all of us to go home so off we went back home around 3:30pm.
He was starving so ordered McDonald's to be delivered (I thought we could go through the Drive Thru but he said not whilst having contractions 😆). We got home and my surges continued to be strong so I didn't really manage to eat anything (he ate my meal and his!). I tried to rest and continued with surges, trying to breathe through them and use music and positive affirmations. By this point, we were probably around 19 hours into it and feeling very tired. I thought I might not cope but kept my focus on the breathing and affirmations with encouragement from my partner. I was also still addicted to my TENS machine but was finding it less effective as time went on but couldn't get comfy on the higher settings.
We kept tracking the surges and Freya said I was in established labour again at around 7pm. I phoned triage who said to come in again and we said it would be third time lucky and we wouldn't be back home without a baby... Got to hospital and had quite a wait to be seen which was rubbish whilst struggling through surges. Once seen, they said I was only 3cm and should go home again. It was the same midwife I'd seen on the Saturday night and it all just felt really sad as I wanted to stay and get set up in one of the birth centre rooms to relax and labour rather than having another horrible car journey. They said no so off we went home again.
All this to-ing and fro-ing was really demoralising, both mentally but also physically, slowing down contractions with each journey and the waiting around in the bright triage rooms. I think if I'd been brave enough to stay at home, maybe things would have progressed quicker as the journeys and medical rooms seemed to slow things down but my nerves from my friends' fast experiences and accidental births at home meant it was right for me to get checked really. It is frustrating the hospital wouldn't let us have a room as the rooms are so calming and have great set up for labour. I wanted to enjoy the room as part of our experience but in the end, I barely remember being in there.
We went home again and I finally ate a small meal and then decided to try to sleep, even though surges were still coming regularly and strongly and it felt impossible. I laid down to sleep and suddenly felt (maybe even heard) a pop. I'd felt similar before with baby moving very low down but this pop came with a gush of water (thankfully I'd put my dressing gown on the bed which absorbed the water). I was really excited as I knew my baby would be with us soon but I was also scared about meconuim and kept asking my partner whether the liquid was clear (it was).
We phoned triage again who said to go in so they could check... Fourth journey in less than 24 hours 😬 We got there around 10:45pm. The surges had really ramped up and I asked my partner to drop me at the door as I couldn't walk from the car park - looking back, this is how I could know the other 3 visits were too soon as I had previously comfortably walked from the car park. I practically ran to triage with surges coming fast and water leaking along the corridor as I walked. We saw the same midwife again and she was pleased to see us and said it would happen now. She checked and said I was 6cm 🎉🎊 I was so happy to finally be allowed to stay and amazed how fast things had moved since my waters had gone.
I was struggling with the surges (I kept crying and saying, "I don't like it" ☺️) so she offered gas and air. I said I wasn't sure about gas and air as I didn't want to be sick but she said I wouldn't know if I didn't try and reminded me that it wears off quickly if I decided it wasn't for me. She taught me how to use it and off I went. I loved it straight away - it took the edge off the pain and I just felt like I was coming home at the end of a good night out - drunk and distant but still aware of myself. I also liked that the effects went away with a few normal breaths if I wanted to be more present again. Gas and air was definitely the perfect tool for me and it was good to use with the up breathing too. My partner also continued to remind me to breathe and bring me back to being positive when I was struggling.
Not sure how long after, a lovely midwife Miriam came to take me to the birth centre... At last! She had a wheelchair and I climbed in to ride it on my hands and knees facing backwards but she said no as I might fall out. I think surges were coming thick and fast so I was scared to be away from the gas and air or change my position but we only had to go round the corner to the birth centre so I sat in the chair properly and we were finally in our beautiful birth centre room at around midnight.
Labour and Delivery
When we arrived in the birth centre room, I had expected to be more "with it" to enjoy the room but I was tired and slightly high on gas and air so the room didn't really matter. It was nice though - dark, fairy lights, a lovely bubble light tube, comfy floor bed, beanbags etc. My partner asked where I wanted the fairy lights and affirmation cards we had brought but I said I was totally over that 🤨 and mostly had my eyes closed anyway to keep my focus so we didn't use them in the birth room (they'd been used at home though). Funny how much this was part of my preparation but not important to me in the thick of it all.
He put on my calm playlist and I got comfy on the floorbed with the gas and air to continue to labour. The midwife left us to do our thing and my partner gently coached me to breathe through surges and gave me regular water (a water bottle with a straw might be my number 1 birthing essential). I really wanted to use the pool but Miriam said I needed to wait a little while as they didn't want surges to slow down. They monitored baby from time to time but this never felt invasive. She wanted me to wee but I said I couldn't. I thought they might make me have a catheter but they didn't seem worried. Through my surges during this part I felt myself poo. I was mortified and especially distressed that nobody apart from me had seemed to notice 🤨 I had to tell them all a few times as I didn't want it to stay on the bed and make more of a mess. It was swiftly and subtly dealt with 🙈
At around 2am on Monday morning (39&6, 28.5 hours since the regular surges began, 43 hours since the first little surges), Miriam said I could go in the pool. I was so happy and excited. I had packed a bikini and expected to be shy about my body - I'm not one for being naked in front of anyone - but I remember just ripping off my clothes and practically running to the pool naked. The pool was lovely and warm although I'm not sure I got the instant relief others talk of - maybe because of baby being back to back, maybe because I was using gas and air so already had relief. I got myself comfy on all fours and continued to labour, really happy to be in the water at last.
I think Miriam kept checking me (I was so much in the zone I didn't really notice) and not long after she said I was fully dilated and invited my partner to look at the baby's hair. He was quite shocked when he looked, I remember him saying wow and oh my! She invited me to touch the top of baby's head. I didn't want to although now he's here I wish I had.
Things got much more painful at this point and I started to push. I don't remember my body taking over as others describe but perhaps it did and I don't think I did any mooing. The gas and air made it mostly OK but I remember saying that I thought my body was going to split in half 😬 I don't know how long I was pushing (haven't got any notes from labour, I need to do a FOI request 😖) but it must have been a short time - maybe 30 minutes or less. I had had enough by that point and just wanted it to be over so really went for it with all my energy on a push and felt baby's head coming. I pushed again and out wriggled the body which gave instant relief.
Miriam helped to bring the baby between my legs and told me to grab it (still hadn't found out the sex). I brought it up between my legs and was absolutely amazed at this beautiful face, eyes open and alert, and perfect pink and smooth little human body in front of me gazing up into my eyes and wriggling around. It was absolutely incredible to see my baby for the first time - our baby, who we had loved feeling inside and wondered so much about was here with us. We had planned for my partner to announce the sex so I brought the baby to the edge of the pool and we saw he was a boy! I noticed our playlist still running and he had been born to Spiritualised, "Ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space" which is just the most perfect song to be born to 💗
Afterwards (lots of possible triggers)…
We'd planned for delayed cord clamping and lots of skin-to-skin but seconds after bringing our baby up through the water all pink and alert with his eyes open, Miriam our midwife noticed he had gone floppy and lost colour. The second midwife ran to press the emergency button and Miriam said they needed to cut the cord now. My partner had to get the trolley for her in a big panic and suddenly the baby's cord was cut, a team of 6 people were in the room and baby was whisked away to a trolley being dealt with. I was quite calm and somehow just knew it would be OK but my partner was quite upset and scared. A lovely midwife was trying to keep us calm and informed whilst the team was working on our baby at the other side of the room. It was only a few tense moments and baby was then brought back over to us, absolutely fine, pink, wriggly and warm. I think at this point Miriam said I should get out of the pool so they could check me, deliver the placenta and also it would be easier to cuddle baby.
I can't remember how things happened at this point but I think I got comfy again on the floorbed and baby was brought over for skin to skin and the golden hour. At this point he was really alert with this eyes open and little smiley faces. It was amazing absorbing our new little human who just moments before had been snug inside me. I had the injection to deliver the placenta and it came out easily in a couple of small pushes - I barely noticed anything as I was just so elated from getting a lovely water birth and so in love with our new baby.
At some point, they examined me and baby went to cuddle with daddy. They said I had a second degree tear, verging on third degree. I didn't feel any pain at this point and was just enjoying my baby. The midwives weren't confident to check fully so got a doctor to check whether it was a third degree tear. It wasn't but I did need complex stitches so eventually they wheeled us from the MLU over to the delivery suite so a doctor could do the stitches. This part was a bit grim, more in terms of fear of the unknown rather than pain, but with gas and air, local anesthetic and great focus it was done. It would obviously be better not to tear but it wasn't that bad really and the recovery has been fine.
We were then left to enjoy our baby and I had the famous tea and toast. I enjoyed a nice shower and we dressed our baby in his first outfit. We stayed in hospital overnight as they wanted to monitor him because of the rescue breaths. I had hoped to go home soon after birth to be together as a family but actually as a FTM it was really helpful to have support from the midwives to establish breastfeeding - I think if I'd gone home sooner, we might have had a more difficult breastfeeding journey.
Thinking Point: your human rights (and therefore the law) protect you and what happens to your body during labour. Every procedure and examination requires consent, including vaginal examinations on entry to a maternity setting, and you are well within your rights to say no to one or all of them without having to justify yourself.
However, this is not always an easy thing to do and many people (unfairly) have to stand their ground. If declining any or all examinations or interventions is important to you, what or who can you prepare in advance to help you stand your ground?
Do you remember what you said to your baby when you first met them?
“Hello, baby boy.”
Looking back, what was the best part of your birth experience?
It was so calm, unmedicated, born in the water and hugely empowering for me. I felt like superwoman and it gave us such a positive start to his life.
And on the flip side, if you could, what would you have changed about the way your baby entered the world?
Next time (already thinking about the next one - must mean it was all OK!) I would consider a home birth* to avoid all the to-ing and fro-ing to hospital which was mentally and physically challenging and definitely slowed things down. If we do it at the hospital again (which I may do due to our experience just after the birth), I would try to be braver to stay at home longer but it is tricky when Freya tells you to go and you feel it might be imminent.
I would also try to do more visualisations as there were points in the early stages where I felt I wasn't coping. My partner brought me back to green but I think visualisations could have helped too.
Finally, next time I would try to be more controlled with the pushing. I feel that I went a bit crazy with the final pushes as I just wanted it all to be over which maybe made my tear worse. I wonder if I had slowed down a bit and allowed the head to stretch me more slowly and gently perhaps I wouldn't have torn as much. I said I didn't want coaching at this stage but perhaps being told to pant and wait could have helped. That said, although the stitches were a bit horrible and I was a bit sore, I was up and out walking after a few days and felt totally fine after 2 weeks so it does seem to heal well.
Learning Point: when you change locations during labour, your hormone balance changes. Your brain stimulates adrenaline to allow you to assess the world for dangers or threats as you come out of your comfort zone, but this stops oxytocin production and can slow or stall labour. One enormous benefit of a homebirth is that you don’t have to counterbalance this hormonal shift to keep labour going as you stay in one place.
If you could give parents-to-be one piece of advice about preparing for the birth of their baby, what would it be?
Make sure your birth partner is as prepared as you so they can support you and advocate for you if you feel you're losing control.
